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Led by the Spirit

Led By The Spirit In The Wilderness – Part One


How I met my husband:

Not too many of us can claim to be married to a Branch Davidian.  Probably not too many of us would want to be married to a Branch Davidian, considering the taint on the name and a belief that what others have said about them is likely true.  Just hearing that name might put shudders down anyone’s spine and a strong sense of horror and prejudice.

I returned to the “church” (congregation or synagogue) in the early nineties.  I met a mother and daughter who invited me to their home for dinner.  Before dinner, the women prayed and I felt the tugging of the Holy Spirit.  It was all too familiar to me.  Their sweet utterances before G-d asking for His blessing on the food deeply touched my heart.  These ladies were Jehovah’s Witnesses and dear souls.  I was overwhelmingly moved. They sensed a response in me and we eventually started to study together.  Since I came from an SDA (Seventh-Day Adventist) background I found we had many beliefs in common.  I hadn’t studied the Scriptures in years, however, blessedly, I found many Scriptures to share with them as they did me.  It was a wonderful time.  After quite a few weeks of having a great deal in common, they brought up the subject of Jesus (Yahshua) being the Son of G-d.  Of course their position was that He is not the Son of the Most High.  I told them I would study it out prayerfully.  What a wonderful time I had studying this topic! It seemed I was led by the Spirit to one Scripture after another solidifying what I had grown up believing. What a precious learning time for me and that study time was attended powerfully by the Spirit of G-d. When I showed the ladies the Scriptures regarding Yahshua’s identity they “dumped” me. They no longer found me valuable to study with and our “friendship” ceased and I never heard from them again.

Since I like to think I am an honest person and I am open to what others profess (who knows maybe I can learn something!) I was completely open to being wrong about what I think I believe.  I am not afraid of investigation and being incorrect.  I ultimately want to know that I am correct in whatever path I might end up on, but I hope I will forever be open to what others feel compelled to share with me about what they believe and why they believe as they do. We’re here to learn, not close off investigation and the pursuit of knowledge.  It seems that life is forever about life’s lessons.  Sometimes we seemingly have to learn the same lessons over and over until we “get it”. That’s what I have learned at least in my not so brief lifetime of 56 years at this writing.

The time the ladies and I were studying together just happened to coincide with what was going on in Waco in the early part of 1993. They were the ones to inform me that the Branch Davidians were actually SDAs! I guess they were following the news a bit more than me at the time. I seldom watched TV in those days. I would only hear fragments of what was going on through these ladies and those I worked with at the studio in Burbank. I had never heard of the Branch Davidians and I felt it was unlikely they were ever associated with Adventists since I had never heard of these purportedly strange folks.  I didn’t follow the story in the news, I could not relate to it in any way.

One day, while working at the studio, one of my coworkers said in alarm, “the Branch Davidians’ home is on fire!” Even though that information was distressing, I still felt no connection to these people at all. They seemed like a strange abnormality in the stream of life and I couldn’t relate to whatever was going on down there in Waco.  I heard folks chuckling here and there about the ‘whacko in Waco”.  I never concurred with these comments as they seemed unkind.  I have never gotten on the bandwagon with those who would disparage this group or that, this person or that.  I have always felt there was far more going on than we would ever know and it is not only unkind to form an instant opinion but it is downright stupid to jump to any conclusion without ample incontrovertible evidence on any matter and then any opinion should be cautionary in my estimation and possibly amendable a little or a lot when more information is available.

Later that day I heard the news reports that many of the residents of that home perished in the flames.  I guess the news reports colored my perception to some degree that these people were instigators and caused their own demise. Part of me did say to myself in perplexity that they brought this on themselves by not doing something to end the standoff.  After reading six books on the events that transpired since my marriage to my husband, I still didn’t know what to believe about what really happened since there was so much information swirling around on both sides.  I wanted to avail myself of as much information as I could to be able to form some kind of fair assessment.

That is why I am writing this little essay, because it took so many years to somewhat understand what had transpired and I wanted to share my own truth and try to bring to light what I have learned.  You would think that since I am relatively close to some of the players that I would have more ready information, but that has not been the case.  It is only now, after knowing my husband for over ten years that I have more understanding and I feel that I should share my insights.

My history with the Branch Davidians is post 1993. I don’t think that it is clear to the church or the public that the Branch Davidian I am married to has NOTHING in common with the Branch Davidians who perished in Waco. There is only one common thread that has a bearing on the then and now.  If someone says that my husband and those who believe similarly to his beliefs and those that occupied Mount Carmel during what is known as the “siege” had the common belief in the Torah (the Law and Ten Commandments) then I would disagree.  Torah observance does not include taking other men’s wives and copulating with them and bringing forth children. The original Branch Davidian movement has nothing to do with the sidecar movement that came into the world’s perception in 1993, whether it has a prophetic meaning as some knowledgeable teachers allege, or not. The original movement developed over the millennia. There have always been “offshoots”, folks who disagree with the direction the church is going or they refuse to grow in knowledge and stay behind.  That is why there are so many denominations.  The true movement began at the beginning of Scriptural time. There has always been progressive truth.  The truth bearers while sometimes being noble personages, willing to die for their beliefs, often have shown their feet of clay. Paul himself spoke about his own failings.  Only Yahshua’s (Jesus) righteousness covers us and converts us.

Back to the common thread:  Adventists understand that when Messiah (Christ) comes back to earth, he will come back to gather his people and take them to heaven. We understand that he will not set foot on the earth again, until after the 1000 years are over. The Scriptures that explain this are found in Revelation 20.

Mrs. White (Ellen G. White) wrote that when Yahshua is finished in the Heavenly Sanctuary, He will take off His priestly garments and put on His garment for war.  Yahshua says at this point, that everything has been decided and He now puts into action all the decisions of the Heavenly High court. The investigative judgment is now over.  It is time for the executive judgment, or another way of saying it, He comes from Heaven and separates the wheat from the tares.  It is time for the harvest of the righteous. (This is after the end time earthly Davidic throne when wheat and tares are still together.)

To segue so quickly to the end time harvest prophecy is to deny a huge portion of Scripture that describes someone sitting on David’s throne for a period of time.  Apparently, this is not lost as far as the Branch Davidians are concerned.  For an SDA, what perplexing verbiage!  I quietly questioned what was going on when I read about this not once but quite a few times in Scripture.  Frankly, I’m not sure if I have ever heard anyone speak on this subject, including Branch Davidians but I have spoken to my husband about it.  I have heard this subject only hinted on when I have heard various Branch Davidians give themselves names that point to this Scriptural leadership as Vernon Howell did by saying he is the David.  He claimed he was the David who was to assume the throne of David, that is, the continuation of the throne of David spoken of in various prophetic passages in the Old and New Testaments. 

All through the Scriptures there have been spiritual leaders, both Old and New Testaments. The few times I have been in the company of more than one or two Branch Davidians, I have started to put a few pieces of the puzzle together which fits with what the Koreshians seem to believe.  Interestingly, the Jews teach that Messiah is to come twice. Messiah ben Joseph is first (I believe Yahshua fulfilled that) and Messiah ben David is the second coming of Messiah (anointed one). The Jews have long discussed whether Messiah ben Joseph and Messiah ben David are one and the same or two different Personages.  From an SDA perspective (which I believe) the two comings HAVE to be two different Personages, since Yahshua can’t be in two places at once. Am I losing anyone on this train of thought?  Remember, Yahshua is in the Most Holy Place in Heaven while the earth remains pre-harvest and Someone is sitting legitimately on the throne of David on this earth during this time.

Vernon Howell, aka David Koresh, believed a mere man would fit these latter day applications. Who can blame the Branch Davidians, since the Jews are waiting for a messiah that is a created man, and this belief system is gaining popularity even in Christianity.  And as an SDA believes, it can’t possibly be Christ Jesus.  There is a real conundrum then, because when Jesus Christ comes back He’s not going to sit on David’s throne where there is believer and unbeliever alive at that time according to SDAs understanding of Scripture, which, yes, I still believe as the SDAs do even if at this point it sounds like I don’t. We have to rightly divide the Scriptures, not ignore portions of Scripture and in this case, heavy portions of Scripture.  I am just saying the picture is much larger than what the SDAs have heretofore taught.

As mentioned earlier, I understand that Jehovah’s Witnesses believe that Jesus is not the Father’s literal son, so it’s a widespread belief system that is gaining adherents. Every person will have to decide for themselves who Messiah is, who Jesus Christ is, who Yahshua Ha Moshiach is.  Could He possibly in verity actually be the Word made flesh? There is a number given to a man and that number is 6.  Man was created on day six. If you want to believe in a sinful man, that is each and every person’s right.  This writing is not to dispute that, but obviously I believe that a created being cannot take the place of the Most High and receive worship.  Oh, what a subject to delve into! But again, now is not the time to expound.  Okay, maybe a little, since that seems to be the number ONE Scriptural seeming anomaly we all face, particularly Advent Movement folks.  Just Who is this person who is to sit on King David’s throne?  These Scriptures are everywhere in the Old Testament, far too many to mention. A number of years ago, I started to compile these Scriptures and they were absolutely endless. I had over twenty pages of Scriptures and I was frankly overwhelmed, because I had just started! It was dizzying how vast the subject is, yet never presented to me by anyone.

How blessed I am to have silently wondered about those Scriptures and then to have met my future husband.  I didn’t know about his inner turmoil in the early days of our marriage. Thank Heaven!  Our relationship coincided with pieces of truth coalescing for each of us, but separately.  I had no idea what he was going through, but quietly he was grappling with the issue of Who is to be at the helm of the congregation – a man or Deity sitting on David’s throne on this earth?  Could He be both – man and Deity? As I said, and I will reiterate for clarification, it cannot be Jesus Christ because when HE comes back, it will be to execute Judgment, not sit on an earthly throne. Everything has been decided by that time.  My husband was reading some of Athen Slawson’s studies regarding this heir to King David’s throne.  G-d was intervening in my husband’s understanding.  Up to this point, he believed it could be a man, since Yahshua is doing His High Priestly duties in the Most Holy Place in the Heavenly Sanctuary and He cannot be both places at once.  I can’t blame him for having this former belief and as you may be aware, many others believe this same way.

I learned later, that my husband was on his face before Heaven concertedly seeking understanding for quite a long season of imploring Heaven for understanding.  I was unaware that he was going through this extraordinary turmoil, until well after the fact.  How thankful I am because I couldn’t have countenanced my husband believing in a created being’s seeming equality with Yahshua (as vicegerent), especially post the cross! Yahshua (Jesus Christ) must be high and lifted up, not a mere sinful man. Yes, we had Moses, Joshua, David and Solomon, but they prefigured Messiah Yahshua, the suffering Servant.  We are in the age of the fulfillment of these “types”.

The Scriptures do not lie. There must be an understanding (or eventual fulfillment) to plug into these Words, but only when Heaven ordains.  Since I had the question, Heaven answered.

I find it abhorrent that a mere man would appoint himself a title, whether he sincerely believes Heaven ordains it or not.  Someone going around pointing to himself is not kosher. We should point to the rightful heir and herald His appearing.  Each and every person decide for yourself, please. I believe it is Heaven’s desire that you have free will. To use your own mind, paired with Heaven’s mind (the Word and Inspiration) and prayer, you have all you need to decide rightly.  We aren’t to depend on the arm of flesh. That is what the number six is all about. We are to trust the weight of Scriptural evidence.

“For many will come in my NAME, and say, I am the Christ (Messiah), and they will deceive many.” Matthew 24:5

Yahshua says, “Many will come in My Name”, but He says the NAME is His, not someone else’s.

Therefore, they have no right to His NAME and they are attempting to steal His identity.  His name is the tetragrammaton or YHVH (I have even read recently it’s YHSVH), some pronounce it Yahweh, Yahovah or Jehovah. The NAME is translated throughout the Word as “Lord”. Yahshua asked His disciples “who do you say that I am?” Mark 8:29  Does a sinful man have a right to be named the Tetragrammaton?  I don’t believe so.

“Yahshua told them, “Many will come in my name saying, “I am the Messiah.’ They will lead many astray.  And wars will break out near and far, but don’t panic. Yes, these things must come, but the end won’t follow immediately.  The nations and kingdoms will proclaim war against each other, and there will be famines and earthquakes in many parts of the world.  But all this will be only the beginning of the horrors to come. Then you will be arrested, persecuted, and killed.  You will be hated all over the world because of your allegiance to me.  And many will turn away from me and betray and hate each other.  And many false prophets will appear and will lead many people astray.  Sin will be rampant everywhere, and the love of many will grow cold.  But those who endure to the end will be saved.”

The Scriptures quoted above were just a few of the many which show Who Yahshua is.  This is only a small portion of the picture that I was seeing before I ever met my husband but I wondered about it in perplexity, because surely according to Scripture, someone was to come to sit on King David’s throne because the Word says so!  The Seventh-Day Adventist church did not teach me about those numerous Scriptures.  The Holy Spirit provided the answer to the questions in my heart and mind.  After all, this teaching was in the Scriptures, not something I made up myself.)  Again, the Jews (those Jews who deny Yahshua’s true identity) believe it is a sinful man (a number 6, a created being on the sixth day) and other movements believe this as well, including the Koreshians.  This is where my husband has stood almost alone in these last few years post 1993 in the Branch movement.  There are others, however, who believe as we do but this understanding becomes blurred when other created beings (666) say they are Someone as well.  When they point to themselves and have much discussion about WHO they are, not WHO Yahovah is or Yahshua.  Any messenger should point to Divinity, not himself.  That makes him more than an idolator, but a usurper of Divinity if he spends much time saying he (or she) is Somebody.  If indeed they are a servant of the Most High it will become apparent, and hopefully it won’t be apparent to them.  If Heaven ordains, then others will recognize who they are, if they have some type of prophetic appointment.  John the Baptist said even though he was a prophet that he must decrease so Yahshua could increase.  John decreased so much to the point that he lost his life.

As you may learn on this site, there is another possibility which is far more palatable to both my husband and I.  Not only do we believe the Scriptures more than adequately describe this, but also there is an answer to Who it is that will sit on King David’s throne.

The purpose of this communication is to tell you how I met my Branch Davidian husband and what led to our marriage and why a dyed in the wool SDA would even listen to someone of his profession.  I believe this is important information partly because for some, it is a more than an idle curiosity and also, I survived the investigation and actually thrived on it.  I learned some beautiful things and I learned we don’t have to be afraid or suspicious of others if we’re on the platform of truth.  How are we going to know unless we investigate? I don’t want to get into the other aspects of what we believe right now.  Hopefully, I will delve into deeper things as permitted.

My future husband and I started studying together each Sabbath afternoon, after church services.  I would prepare lunch for him each week.  Afterwords, weather permitting, we would go outside and sit on a bench on my front porch and open up the Word in front of the neighborhood, however we were so into our studies, we weren’t thinking about our public display of Scripture study.  Sometimes we went to the park to study the Scriptures while enjoying nature.

Sabbath is an amazing day to be in nature. All of creation seems amplified in beauty and sound.  Our senses seem to be more attuned to the world around us.

During this time, he told me about his Branch Davidian background.  At first, I was startled (and yes, quietly alarmed, okay quite alarmed), but since he made so much sense when he opened up his mouth, I decided to give him a fair hearing on what was on his mind.  On his study agenda, was to study Proverbs 8 and other Scriptures dealing with Wisdom or the Holy Spirit.  Eventually, he showed me that the Holy Spirit is denoted as “feminine” in the Hebrew.  He showed me the supporting Scriptures.  That should have been evidence enough for me, but it was very difficult to assign the feminine to G-d.  Growing up in our society, women are the lesser, certainly the G-dhead didn’t have a feminine component or PERSONality.  I was taught about the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Three IN one, not more than one and certainly the Holy Spirit couldn’t be feminine since no one else ever told me that.  Notice I was relying on what others told me, not personal investigation on my own.  Others are often right, right? I always assumed the G-dhead was three masculine mirrors of each other, the same but with different functions, even though I had pretty much always understood, Jesus was the Father’s Son in verity, although I hadn’t figured out in what way.  It seems Heaven wants us to know that They are a Family Image, and we are made in Their Image, male and female.   Genesis plainly says that folks, I didn’t make it up! And yes, They are ONE! Remember, we’re made in Their Image, after Their likeness, male and female.  The female came from the Oneness of the male, he gave his mate one of his ribs.  Her essence or life form came from within him.

After our enjoyable Scripture studies, I had a head knowledge of the femininity of the Holy Spirit, but not a heart knowledge.  My societal, cultural think told me otherwise.  I had a sense that I needed to come to some kind of understanding on this, for or against what my husband showed me Scripturally, since I knew and felt that this could ultimately divide us.  This was really confrontational to me in a quiet unspoken sense.  I had to embrace this since my mind knew it was true based on the Scriptures.

I earnestly prayed about it during the week one night.  It was midweek in early 1997.  I happened to be renovating my home and my bed was positioned in a different place than the usual location.  After praying quite concertedly but silently (I didn’t want the enemy to hear) about it before falling asleep, at some point in the night, I awakened fully alert.  I was lying on my back, which is not a normal sleeping position for me. Also, my head was facing northward, usually it would face eastward.

While awake, I felt that my body was wrapped in a cocoon from toes to head.  At my left side, within the cocoon, I sensed the masculine aspect of Elohim and on my right, the feminine. I was in the middle of the cocoon. The masculine and feminine were kissing one another, and I was a party to their great love for one another.  I was sharing in their great love.  It was amazing, the sweetness, ardor and regard they had for one another.  Such tenderness and adoration!  Then, I felt a sensation that started at my feet and moved up to the top of my body.  By the time the sensation reached my chest, the sensation was of such an ecstatic nature that I could barely endure it. The sensation moved to the top of my head and then I sensed I was transported to another place.  That place was the Most Holy Place in the Sanctuary.  A feminine voice said to me, “Of course we’re masculine and feminine. Without Me you would have no Mercy.  No one can be saved with Justice only.” Then it seemed that the Cherubim on the left represented Justice or Judgment, and the Cherubim on the right represented Mercy! Masculine and Feminine! Little did I know then, that Judaism confirms this.  I would learn this approximately three years later from a Jew, one who grew up Orthodox and is now a Messianic teacher.

The next evening, my dutiful boyfriend (Thomas) called me.  I told him about the visit and as I was about to tell him about Justice (Judgment) and Mercy, he filled in my words before I could.   He already knew what I was going to say!  What a confirmation for me!

Even though I had the Scripture knowledge and then an experiential knowledge (for my heart’s sake) I still struggled with this because of the cultural inculcations of society.  Society teaches you every day that because you are female you are less.  Less wages, less respect.  Fewer folks want to hear what you have to say.  Believe me, I have experienced this all too often.

So, Tom and I passed this hurdle. I called an SDA Bible teacher and minister whom I respected and he said he knew that the Holy Spirit was feminine.  I also told an SDA friend and his father had been an SDA minister and he said he knew that the Holy Spirit was feminine, as well. I still had one more experience before I had a true grasp of the meaning of this.

Thomas and I were at our friends’ home (SDAs) where there were a handful of believers, fellow Bible students in the living room.  My esteemed Christian teacher happened to be there also.  While I was talking about the feminine aspect of Divinity, the truth about Yahshua hit me hard.  I realized at that moment that Yahshua came forth from Divine parents, the masculine and feminine of Elohim!  Of course, nature testifies that a child has to have both a father and a mother.  Also, as this knowledge became so apparent to me, the preciousness of what this meant hit me hard.  Oh, how absolutely beautiful, Yahshua being Elohim’s (Father and Mother) only begotten Son.  I always knew Yahshua was the Son, but I didn’t realize how He was a Son. The Word totally validates this too, but I don’t expect everyone to grasp this at this time. Some of you will as you read this, and some of you will take longer and maybe some of you will never see this.  Only the Holy Spirit can validate this truth for you and prayerful, study into the Word.  (Hopefully, if permitted, I will delve into the subject of how we’re made in our Holy Parents’ Image. It only seems appropriate to set some things right that the enemy of truth has perverted.)

I realized that there were some in the room who wanted to silence this epiphany just when the Spirit brought this home to me. I won’t go into the Beauty of this subject now, but will digress later if possible.  At any rate, I met my husband, found him intelligent and Scriptural, a sincere student of the Word.  His sparkling blue eyes didn’t hurt either and his great sense of humor.

End of Part One